loss & life

I come to the blog today to sort out some thoughts and emotions tonight. Maybe this post will make perfect sense, or maybe it will only make sense in my mind, but I will do my best to explain.

Last night, at 11:05pm, my grandmother, my Naunney, passed away. She had been fighting to survive for quite some time now. Naunney, wacky as she may have been, was truly one of a kind. She always took the time to invest in me and asked me how I was. She was very special to me and I can not believe I won't ever hear her say, "Hello, Beautiful!" as I walk up to her front door, or hear her reminisce about how she used to tell me "Naunney made filet" {as in, filet mignon... every dinner was "filet" so that I would eat it}... I can't wrap my mind around the fact that she is no longer with us.

I went to the hospital last night to be with my dad and family after I received the phone call. And as hard as it was to be there, she just looked like she was sleeping. It was so painful to see my dad and his siblings all broken apart, and to see Bob, Naunney's husband, just beside himself. I hate grief, because there is NOTHING you can do to help anyone... it just has to pass. All I can do is pray. So that is what I've been trying to do.

I didn't sleep too well last night and then had a low-key morning with Gemma, just relishing in her and who she is becoming everyday. We spent the morning in bed just playing and hanging out. I also received word that our good friends, Sean & Brittney, were having their baby today. Sean cleverly made a Twitter account and kept friends and family updated throughout the day {seriously, so smart!} and I kept checking in, getting more and more excited to hear when Owen was finally here.

As the day went on, I just started thinking about the circle of life. In less than 24 hours, I lost someone in my life but gained someone new {Welcome to the world Owen!!}.

Life is funny in that it's so precious. It's fleeting. In a moment, everything can change and your world can shift. And while life is so precious, we are meant for something bigger. Something bigger than this Earth and this world. I take comfort in the fact that Naunney isn't suffering anymore. Her heart can now rest and she can rest in paradise with her parents. As I stood there taking everything in last night, while her children stood by her saying their goodbyes, I couldn't help but look at Naunney's impact on this world. She left behind a husband, 5 children, 11 grandchildren {I believe, that number seems small to me}, many great-grandchildren, a massive group of friends from the VFW, and her group of friends from her work... it makes me contemplate what I will leave behind when I go. What do I want to leave behind? None of the possessions matter, but the legacy that will be left lasts much longer than we do.

That said, hug your loved ones. Kiss those that mean the world to you. You never know when will be the last time you have that final conversation with them. That is all I can think to write tonight. Before I go though...

Naunney, you were the sweetest of ladies. Everyone who knew you loved you for who you are. I will forever miss you and I know many others are saddened by you leaving this life. But I rest in the fact that you are no longer in pain. You were {and still are and will be} so very special to me and I will always keep you in my heart. I love you and will see you again someday soon! 

Where I'm From

I have this itch. Maybe it's not an itch.. maybe it's more of a craving or a drive... I want to get back blogging. Routinely. Like in my last post where I wrote about craving routine. And here I am today... wanting to get to regular blogging.

Today I stumbled upon a blog party happening. Jenni over at Story of My Life came up with Blogtember and I'm deciding to join. It'll give me prompts to write about and just a reason to log on everyday and get creative with things. Head on over here if you want to join the Blogtember party!

The first prompt is to write about where or what you are from, the people, places, and or factors that have shaped your life... I was born and raised in Connecticut. My parents were divorced when I was a year and a half old. I don't really remember them together at all. It was just the way it's been. I lived with my mom and we moved around a little bit until she met my stepdad when I was 5. They were married when I was 8 and I'm pretty sure, even though at the time I was not happy about my mom remarrying, it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I was an only child until I was 12 years old, when my baby brother was born. I used to hate that my family was "split" and I used to think I was the only one who experienced divorce, but to be honest, it's made me learn a lot of lessons and taught me to be stronger than I sometimes realize. It's also taught me my beliefs on life, love, marriage and family. Growing up where I did helped me establish my morals and taught me to stand my ground when it comes to my convictions. I'm so grateful for my upbringing because it's made me me. 

september love

*photo from two years ago

The beginning of September brings around many feelings for me. I know the calendar says its still summer, but in my book, September 1st marks the beginning of fall officially. I have been eagerly awaiting for the fall to get here. Firstly, because I am so over the heat. I am craving comfy cozy sweaters, leggings, and my Ugg boots {as terrible as everyone thinks they are, they're comfy as hell and staying around for a while}. Secondly, I am itching for routine. Boring as it may sound, I thrive off of a stable routine and I know Gemma will do better on a routine as well. This summer was filled with all sorts of crazy- weekends away and nights up way too late- are leaving me wanting some sense of normal. Thirdly, I am ready for a new season in our lives. It's time. Summer has come and is going as we speak. It was fun while it lasted.

So this is me, welcoming in a new season for our lives. September, we are so glad you are here! 

monday miseries

I have been feeling so out of my element lately, especially in the last week... I feel like I am in one of those "When it rains, it pours" periods. So here I am on this little blog of mine to write and get it all out...

+ Gemma has been teething again for quite some time. Blah blah blah, I feel like this is all I ever talk about. But to be fair, teething really changes our happy little girl into this little bear of a person we are not familiar with. Last night, it took me 2 hours to get her to sleep. Today, I spent about 2 hours between naps and bedtime trying to get her to settle down and go to sleep. She wrestled me and pushed away and cried for a while, even though she was rubbing her eyes and she was definitely overdue for a nap. Poor thing is just so uncomfortable...

+ Also, Gemma is extremely frustrated as she's on the brink of crawling and is wanting to be on the move, but she just hasn't gotten there yet. She is working so hard and progressing very quickly, and I know it's only a matter of time, but hearing all the growls and whines that come out of Gemma start to wear on all of us! {The teething probably doesn't help her mood either}

+ Last night, we found a bunch of moth larvae {read: tiny little worms}. I didn't eat dinner and felt sick for the rest of the night, as I am sure Bry did as well {he cleaned the pantry while I rocked Gemma for two hours..} We got rid of all of the food, cleaned the pantry, and I'm going to buy more moth traps {as we've had traps up for a while and we're not sure why this happened}.

+ My dad's mother, Naunney, had a heart attack yesterday. This was not the first time this has happened. She had to have a stent put in and is in the hospital recovering. This whole situation really just sheds light on how precious life is and how one moment can change your life. Praying for my Naunney, my dad and the rest of the family for strength.

+ I've also been personally been going through a phase where I'm trying to do it all {keep on top of everything at home, keep up with friends, keep my baby on somewhat of a schedule, and balance working from home and working out of home}. I've been feeling stretched a little thin lately and it's discouraging when I feel like I can't do it all. But sometimes I have to tell myself that I am doing the best that I can and that not everything needs to be perfect.

+ And I'm currently slowly consuming a whole tin of Altoids. I should be eating the Ghiradelli brownies we made last night {the only thing that was spared from the larvae- blughhhh} with some vanilla ice cream on top.

Did you make it through that?? Probably worst post ever, but sometimes life happens and it's not always perfect. I found this on Pinterest and I love it...

{via}

I need to remember this more often! Happy Monday's-almost-over!

this time of the year

The end of summer. That hazy time of the year where the heat seems to linger. The mornings start early and the birds are chirping much earlier than you'd like to be awake. If you go outside before 7am, you can tell that the heat is here to stay for a while. There's always the chance of a thunderstorm and days seem to end late. Those lightning bugs are out every night. Everything smells like salt water, chlorine, sunscreen, or bug spray, or a combination of them all. And all you want is to savor this time because before you know it, the crisp air will be here with red and orange and yellow leaves falling everywhere.

I love this time of the year. Maybe it's just that I love what I described above. Maybe it's that fall is rapidly approaching {another of my favorite times of the year}. Or maybe I'm a little bit reminiscent of the summer of 2004. It was late summer when Bry and I started hanging out. Movies with friends, night swimming, trips to Friendly's, walking the beach practically every night, texting up the wazoo- you know before unlimited texting became available. Driving around listening to Dave Matthews, All American Rejects, and whatever else was on the radio. The start of school fast approaching and wanting that feeling of summer freedom to stay forever. 

Late summer, please don't be so fleeting. You're welcome to stay for a while.

*I'm fairly sure by next week, I'll be more than ready for fall ;)

tuesday ten

1. There's Gemma up there, flippin' the bird. She uses her middle fingers for everything, even picks her nose with them. Hoping this will work itself out sometime soon...
2. Also, while we're speaking of Gemma, she's teething again... Sense my excitement. She just cut another bottom tooth (total of 3 on the bottom now) and I can see one on the top just starting. Oh, and she's rubbing them together- essentially, grinding them... Yikes.. Hope she only does it while she's teething!
3. If you do not have one of these blankets, you are missing out on the best sleeping experience of your life. We've had one for a couple of years now. I bought a king size, knowing I'd want to curl up in this stupidly soft blanket, and it was one of the best purchases I've ever made. I am giddy with excitement for the weather to cool down so I can throw this back on our bed until it's summer again.
4. Things I'm terribly afraid of: snakes, octopus, and centipedes. Maybe I should reword that to "Animals I'm terribly afraid of"...
5.  I've been starting to wrap my mind around Gemma's first birthday party. Namely, more that my baby is turning one in just a few short months... Excuse me while I go cry a little.
6. Wedge sneakers- what do you think of these? I've been all over Pinterest this morning, and I'm thinking I could totally rock these this fall! Comfy mom attire for the win.
7. Completely unrelated, why is cutting bangs such a dang commitment? I always am so on the fence about bangs, mostly because it takes me a whole year to grow them out. But it's almost fall and I've got this unreal regrowth from postpartum hair loss that looks ridiculous and maybe bangs will camouflage the ugly regrowth? {Talking about many of my struggles in this post.. shifting gears now}
8. Okay.. the thing that cures all listed above remedies? Well, prayer, and also... a glass of Red Velvet by Cupcake... This is my favorite wine. I haven't really ever found my favorite wine. But this... this is it. 
9. Someone mentioned *NSYNC might be performing at the VMA's this year? What?! I will be my 12 year old screaming self and jump around like a lunatic and actually tune in to the VMA's this year! Usually I could care less, but for *NSYNC, well of course!
10. We're watching LOST again and I'm off to drink Cupcake wine and keep on knitting Gemma's baby blanket- which I'm still working on.

Happy almost-midweek! 

mama's girl

This girl. My sweet, silly Gemma girl. Right now, she's a mama's girl. To the core. Gemma loves her Daddy like no other, but right now, she's a mama's girl. Especially right in the thick of teething. And while it can sometimes be tough to be her everything... I'm secretly a little happy that she wants and needs me so much. Makes me feel like I'm doing something right, makes me feel like I'm a good mama. And I'm going to cherish every moment of her being a mama's girl. Right now, I'm soaking it in while I can. I love this girl with all my heart.

*And when she looks up at me and kisses me while I'm holding her.. My heart explodes a little bit. 

And let it be said, I really love her dad too. I'm so blessed to have these two in my life!

*all photos from June