4.29.2014

it's all about perspective


I had quite a different post I thought I was going to write tonight. Actually, I had 6 lengthy paragraphs written about how frustrating life has been recently. I decided to turn this post into something different though, to shorten and shift the focus onto something else of the sort...

Basically in short, I was going to ramble about my darling daughter and how rough things have been lately. I was going to share about how since we've moved, Gemma has regressed on her sleep training and will no longer go down for naps or bedtime on her own, but now requires rocking to sleep with a bottle. I was going to also vent about how we are having to wean her off of her bottles, even though until last month, her pediatricians recommended staying on the bottles because of her weight gain and the fact that she's still on high calorie formula. I was also going to share that teething has been a nightmare for this child, turning my typically sweet girl into a very unhappy, easily irritated child who hates me most of the day, until Daddy comes home, whom she then hates and only wants Mama. {In all seriousness, Bryan's gotten quite a few "She absolutely hates me. Nothing I do is making her happy today!!" texts from me during the week.. and then thinks I've been lying when he gets home.} And lastly, in the last few days of trying to get Gemma back down to sleep on her own, we've realized she is now voluntarily gagging herself as soon as she is placed in her crib awake because she knows if she does that she gets attention and will be taken out of her crib for the sake of her not throwing up everywhere. And trust me, we've tried letting her cry it out. It results in vomit. Every time. Within about 60 seconds of us putting her in there.

Here's the thing though. This tired mama is 10 weeks from her due date. Meaning she is tired {wait, did I already say that?}, uncomfortable, and cranky {hey, thanks hormones}. I also found out I am slightly anemic this time around which would explain why I've felt like I've had Mono for months now. But regardless, I am choosing to turn my attitude around. I could totally just dwell on the crazy frustration I've been experiencing, or I can choose to recognize the good in our lives right now and know that this is only a phase. I've realized that baby boy's arrival in a short couple of months is making the clock tick and seem like impending doom if we don't get all of this straightened out right now. While it would be ideal to have Gemma sleep trained and off her bottles by the time he is born, we will see what we can accomplish.

At the end of the day, I am so glad and grateful for the fact that I have a personable, thriving toddler, who makes us laugh round the clock {even when it's doing things she probably shouldn't do}. This little girl's body is doing what it's supposed to {cutting teeth}, and though it's so hard right now, I know this is only a blip on the map. She is walking, practically running, and I am glad she is loving on me and cuddling me more now than she ever has since being a newborn. We have moved into a different apartment that we love and feel much more settled in. And we also have another little bundle of joy, Finn, who will be joining our family in less than 3 months! Like I said, 10 weeks from my due date, and I am getting to that point, but I am choosing to remember that this is temporary and I will have my body back at some point in the near future :) And lastly, I am so grateful that Bryan has a job where he can support our family, and I have the absolute privilege of staying home with my girl (and, soon, boy!), even though some days, I feel like crawling in a hole and staying there. God is good. He knows what we can handle. And I know in a month, 6 months, or even a year, I will look back at this little phase and chuckle to myself. Today I'm choosing to thank God for all that He's blessed us with and asking for the strength I need to get through this time.


4.13.2014

sunday night ramblings

today.

well well. another long hiatus from yours truly. big surprise there. we've got alot that's been going on in our lives, but here this goes again!

we are loving this weather. it has been good for the soul! i was so close to almost shredding my winter coat. thankful that we are almost out of the woods and fully into spring!

ooh and we've moved! we are in a new apartment, not far from our old one, but holy cow.. moving while pregnant is not recommended. overwhelmed, over-exhausted, over it all. glad to be in a new place! and i will say, my husband is the best when it comes to getting things done! he took off a few days from work, and i think we are only down to handful of boxes left to unpack! so glad to have him!

i am addicted to pretty little liars. thank God for netflix. (although the 48 hour wait during the move while we didn't have internet/cable was brutal).. anyone else out there sharing in this crazy obsession?

the other day, i was sitting on the couch while gemma was napping. and i should mention we are now on the 2nd floor and the huge window is right next to the couch. so i casually look into the tree outside and notice there's a squirrel in the tree (no big deal, right?). although this particular squirrel happened to be eating a piece of pizza! i kid you not, i just sat here staring and taking pictures of this guy. because... how many times do you see a squirrel in a tree eating a piece of pizza?!


happy sunday, everyone! hope this week goes amazingly well for you!

2.03.2014

more about baby #2

photo from 2 weeks ago already- eee time is flying!!

this feels like deja vu.. writing the "more" about my pregnancy. only this time around, i've got a little squirmer crawling around me, playing her red piano with her pink and green drumsticks, eating cheerios she finds anywhere, trying to cruise from place to place.

details on this pregnancy... i'm going to bullet point these as that's probably the easiest.
+ due date: july 8th {which means i'm 18 weeks tomorrow}
+ we found out i was pregnant again one hour before gemma's first birthday party. yes.. one hour before all our loved ones were due to show up and chat with us. we had to put on our poker faces and carry on even though we were thrilled and could barely contain ourselves.
+ we are finding out the sex again. the end of february can't come fast enough! although i am soaking up all the time i have with just my gem now.. trying to cherish this minute by minute!
+ every time we've had an ultrasound, this little babe is moving around.. looks like we've got another squirmer on our hands. this babe will have to be to keep up with big sister!
+ i'm feeling lots of movement throughout the day and gemma is on the brink of walking.. life is getting exciting over here!

more to post later :)

1.16.2014

the time gemma figured out she turned on the xbox herself

a while back, i would say before she turned one, i was trying to take pictures of gemma's fabulous bedhead. i couldn't help but be in love with how long her hair was getting and what it looks like when she wakes up and it's crazy {just like both of her parents' when they wake up}... i typically let her play with the remote controls after taking out the batteries {because one time she recorded "Bring It On: All or Nothing"}, but this one day, i chose to just hand her the remote. the tv was on in the background, on the xbox setting, but basically blinking "no input"... she really wasn't paying much attention. I handed her the remote {batteries in} in an attempt to keep her still and...
^hammin' it up

^what's this shiny thing? {notice the middle finger pushing the button}

^wait, it lit up??

^huh?

^what'd I just do??

^no way! this turns that on???

^let's try it again!

^wow!!!!

^guys, guess what I just learned?!?!

we've kept the xbox remote from her since she started trying to play nba '13.. ahh she makes me giggle everyday! :)

gemma's 1st birthday party, but mostly just her and her cupcake!

{i am posting this because it needs to be documented on here.. but i am forever late with this blog. trying to get up to speed here!}

gemma's gem-themed birthday party was a blast! we had friends and family celebrate with us and we couldn't have felt more grateful for all those who love gemma so much! she loved her cupcake and was more interested in her sippy cup than opening presents, but overall, it was so great to get everyone together. i looked around at gemma's party and realized that we are so blessed to have so many loved ones who love and support us. a special thanks to our family-- my mom, who allowed us to host the party in her home, and bry's mom and sister, kelsey, who made all the cupcakes! we love you!






1.07.2014

oh and did I mention...?

Did I mention in my last post that we are expecting again? 
Baby #2 on the way!! :)

december in a nutshell


Well, well, well... Here's another blog post where I am updating you on the month plus that has passed since I last posted. Let me just sum up the last several weeks in case you are interested in reading why our world has felt a little out of sorts as of lately...

Late November, we traveled to Indiana to spend time with Brad, Jacki & Luella for Thanksgiving and also to celebrate Luella's first birthday. We drove... yes, all 14 hours and it was quite the event. But we made it and had fun. Gemma was somewhat not herself and extremely cranky, which we just assumed was from the traveling and being out of her element. Thanksgiving Day, I came down with a stomach bug that left me in bed sleeping for basically the entire day. The following day, Gemma woke up all stuffy and definitely sick. She had what we thought was just a nasty cold. The poor girl was just not herself and super snuggly and just a plain old sad sight to see. The drive home showed us Gemma was really sick... she slept almost the entire day. Her face and little body was so.. ugh I'm choking up just thinking about how she looked. My heart broke a little bit.

We got home on December 1st after a 15 hour car ride home. We were absolutely exhausted as Gemma had woken up once if not twice a night all 8 nights we were away. Plus a long drive like that.. wow. Hit by a truck didn't really cover it. Another tough night, and then the next morning, she started having stomach bug symptoms. The evening came and it was clear she couldn't keep anything down. We took her to the ER about 10pm. Long story and details aside, they had to send us to Yale Children's Hospital because they were full in Bridgeport. Turned out, Gemma had an ear infection, sinus infection, AND the stomach bug. No wonder we were all so spent.. she was uncomfortable and I felt so lame for not knowing that she had an ear infection. She really is a trooper because she kept on going until those last few days of our trip. After about 36 hours at Yale and two doses of IV fluids, they sent us home with antibiotics our baby girl who was able to eat a little bit more.

A day after we came home from the hospital and we realized the transmission in our only car was on its way out... And then... Two days later, we return home after running errands to find out our oil tank was empty. Rookie renters- we didn't realize it was that low. Luckily, we have amazing family who are always willing to lend a hand!

A few days later, I realized Gemma had a bad diaper rash {which we anticipated from all the stomach bug-ness and the antibiotics}, but it turned out she had gotten thrush from the antibiotics as well. This poor child. We had to change her antibiotic again and then give her a new prescription diaper cream with a steroid in it. Well a few days later, her diaper rash wasn't healing and the steroid was actually too much for her and was burning her skin! Ahh, I was almost fed up at this point. The blood-curdling screaming and trembling was unbearable during diaper changes, and my heart was in pieces because I knew we were going to have to keep changing her. Soaks, nakey time, and a newer diaper cream {that was less harsh} plus some burn cream to treat her irritated bottom... And about 80 days later {that's exaggerated.. more like 7 days later} it's almost back to normal.

Bryan got a promotion at work and I couldn't be more proud! He has worked so hard and essentially had his responsibility already handed to him 6 months ago as a trial run to see how he would do.. He pleased his bosses enough for them to promote him two weeks before Christmas and give him a nice bonus. Yaaaay hubby!

Before I could come up for air... the holidays came and went! We bought a car two days before Christmas and somehow managed to get all of our shopping done on time. I am still feeling super exhausted as most of December felt like I was under water and couldn't come up for air, but it was a wonderful holiday this year and I am somewhat sad to see it go. We are feeling blessed though and are grateful to have our family, friends, a warm home, and jobs.

Hoping you all had a lovely Christmas!
{for reals.. did I really just write that on January 7th?}

11.11.2013

monday morning




Bryan's clone right there^

Excuse the blurry pics, but this is how my morning started. This girl climbed on top of my head to look out the window and sat on my face... you can bet I was almost crying out of laughter. Then I got out of bed feeling super productive- ready to clean the entire apartment and purge of everything that we don't use/eat/wear.. Hopefully Bryan comes home and still recognizes the place! 

Happy Monday!

(And a huge thank you to all the veterans that have served and fought for our freedom. It is because of you that we have the privilege of living the way we do. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!)

11.06.2013

9 years with this guy



October 17th marked 9 years that Bryan and I have been together. Our dating anniversary was just passed on by... by life, I suppose. We were preparing for Gemma's birthday and both working a lot and I didn't make the time for a blog post. But I wanted to. So here's what I have to say about this guy...

This guy... listens to Eminem, Coldplay, Luke Bryan, Mumford & Sons, Jay-Z, and Justin Bieber...

This guy... talks to me in his sleep, even when he tells me I'm the sleep-talker. "Pumpkins are $5, really Bry?"

This guy... eats the whole box of Cheerios except a spoonful and will put the box back in the cabinet.

This guy... loves his girls with all of his heart and would do anything for us.

This guy... tries to act all nonchalant about things, but he really did mean to pop that mix into the CD player 9 years ago and play "Girlfriend" by NSYNC and Nelly all while mumbling "oh this is just a random mix. Let's see what's on it..."

This guy... has a laugh that is contagious. It can bring me out of the worst mood on the worst day.

This guy... is more OCD than I ever could have anticipated. I did not think he was going to care about how his laundry was folded... man, was I wrong!

This guy... might be the cutest dad ever. Maybe I'm biased, I dunno?

This guy... is a big cuddler except when it's time to sleep. I'm very much the opposite.

This guy... takes pride in planning agendas for special occasions. I swear, he's a keeper.

This guy... knows exactly what I am thinking in most situations. Sometimes it's scary how our minds think alike. Love that I can look at him when we see a 10 year old being pushed around the mall in a stroller and know that he is rolling his eyes too.

This guy... has my heart forever. I am so grateful he knows this and is protective of it.


B- Thank you for doing life with me. I couldn't do it without you and despite our ups and downs, I love the life that we have together. Love you forever!

my baby is 1!

My baby girl turned one two weeks ago {sorry for the delay in posting, friends!}. Words can't express how proud I am to see her changing, growing, and learning every day like she is supposed to. I can't believe I blinked and a year went by. And I can't wait to see what the future brings for this sweet girl! I love you, my Gemma Rose! 

A few photos from her last white onesie shoot...

^if you could hear the squeal coming out of her...

^trying to see her belly button

^always moving

^hammin it up!

^trying to crawl off the couch

^this face kills me

^clapping for her birthday!

^and we're done.. Mommy can only reposition you so many times, Baby Girl! 

10.21.2013

dear gemma



Dear Gemma,

I've been thinking about this post for some weeks now, but it feels only appropriate to post on the eve of your first birthday. The beginning of October hit me with a huge reality check... My sweet baby girl is losing a little of her baby-ness every day. Every day, there is something new and exciting and something hysterical that you do, and I get a kick out of all that you do every single day!

Tonight, as I rocked you to sleep, I felt heavy tears roll down my cheeks while I kissed the top of your head. You, my sweet girl, have been everything I have dreamt my whole life and more. My entire world shifted the day you were born. There were no words that could have prepared my heart for what was about to happen. I cried as I held you and snuggled you. And I know you have much more growing up to do. These tears I cried over you are not all tears of sadness. Of course, I am sad that you are getting less and less likely to cuddle with me {it's actually pretty rare now}. And I am sad that you are becoming older and more independent daily, meaning you need me less than you did as a newborn. But in a strange way, I am happy too. I did not for one second want to wish away your first year of your life. So I tried to take in every single minute. Sure, there were times where I was frustrated or days where you didn't seem to take to anything I tried, but I really have enjoyed your first year. These tears I cried as I rocked you to sleep were also tears of happiness. Happiness that you are doing exactly what are you supposed to- through learning, growing, developing, and more. And happiness that you are becoming more "you" every day. I love my little girl more than life itself. Daddy and I cannot remember life without you and we couldn't be happier that God blessed us with such an angel.

I want you to know that I am incredibly happy to be your mama. And as much as I can't believe the first year of your life has flown by, I can't wait to see how the next one unfolds. You, my sweet girl, are God's greatest gift, and I still can't believe I was chosen to be your mama. I love you, my Gemma girl and I have cherished you every day, and will continue to until your 115!

Love,
Mama

gemma's birth story

Last pregnant photo of me.. taken just 2 days before Gemma was born.


It's been almost a year since I've given birth to my baby girl. I know that the time flies and I should have posted this forever ago. I had a long detailed version that I just thought could be summarized a bit, so this is the "shorter" version of the story, and I thought it'd be a perfect night for it on the eve of Gemma's first birthday :)

My due date was October 29. 5am on October 21, I woke up because I had to pee for the tenth time that night and realized I was a little crampy. Coming back from the bathroom, I realized that my cramps were something different than the Braxton Hicks I'd been experiencing for the past 3 months. I woke Bry up and we both got all excited and couldn't go back to sleep. Bry talked me into calling the on-call OB to see what we should do. She told me to go for a walk and see if anything progressed. After our longer walk, my doctor suggested I head to the hospital to get checked {as I was "trickling" water- I wasn't really sure if my water had broken yet or not...} So off we went to the hospital.

Off we go to the hospital. They hooked me up to a monitor to check my contractions. Turns out I was in early labor. There the question arose again...Did my water break? {If your water has broken, you're automatically admitted to the hospital.} They did an exam and found I was less than 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced, however, my water had not broken. They sent us home with a few tricks to try. Take a walk, eat spicy food, drink one beer, etc. Home we went.

Since walking was recommended, we walked and walked. And we walked some more. Then, in attempt to eat spicy food, we picked up Chipotle for dinner and grabbed some Woodchuck Cider for yours truly and headed home. {As a side note...Bryan mapped out all of our walking and found out we walked 10 miles throughout the day. 10 miles!!! At 39 weeks pregnant... who does that?!} After eating dinner, we popped in a movie and settled in for the night. During the movie, the contractions seemed to subside and space out a bit, so I figured my body was relaxing and this baby wasn't coming as soon as I'd thought.

Next thing I know, I'm waking up at midnight to some serious writhing from painful contractions in bed. Breathing through them was getting difficult. Bryan awoke to me breathing extremely loudly and kinda panicked because I hadn't woken him up sooner. I called the doctor again. She said monitor them and touch base in an hour or two. We went out to the living room and decided to watch TV while timing the contractions. After a few hours, we called back and the doctor told us to meet her at the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital at 4am. They examined and checked me again... I was 2 cm now but again, my water had not broken yet. They told me to walk around the halls for an hour {as walking can move the dilation process along}. As I stood up to walk the halls, I felt a big gush and there it was... my water broke. We were admitted and staying. This was it- the next time we'd leave the hospital would be with our baby girl!

The contractions began to get worse. I got back into the hospital bed and soon started making unrecognizable noises. Groans, moans, cries, and winces. I can't quite even describe what I felt. The pain basically took over my whole body and all I could do was try to get through until the next break. Poor Bryan looked so helpless. I could tell he wanted to help in some way, any way, but all I could do was focus and not talk and not be touched. So he just sat there and was the best company ever.

I had been wanting an epidural since yesterday {literally- and quite badly by this point} but I couldn't have one until I was about 3 or 4 cm dilated. At 8am, they checked me and said I was 3cm. It took over an hour and a half for the anesthesiologist to get to my room. I was in pretty rough shape {or so I felt}. The anesthesiologist came in at 9:30am and I was so relieved to see him. He said,  "Okay after 3 more contractions and you won't be feeling them anymore..." I kinda didn't believe him, but followed his instructions to sit still. He was kind enough to wait til we were between contractions and that made it a little easier. Getting the epidural wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't even see the needle. Once it was in, I really couldn't feel the pain, I could only feel tightening during contractions. Now it was time to relax. I wanted to sleep but my body wouldn't let me. I think I was too anxious and excited and nervous. So we just waited. Lots of talking, lots of nurses in to check the monitor, and I even was given a popsicle because I was hungry! The nurses had also noticed I had spiked a fever, so they kept checking in on me more often at this point. 

At about 5:30, I started feeling like I needed to push. We buzzed the nurse into the room and my temperature had gone down and then back up again. The doctor came in and looked at where we were at, she told me I was 10 cm dilated, but baby wasn't as far down as they would have liked. They told me I could start pushing if I really wanted to, but I'd be pushing longer because I'd need to push her down farther than if I waited and let gravity help. Well, I could have made things easier on myself and waited, but I felt like I'd waited long enough. I felt like I'd been sitting around waiting all day, I wanted to actually DO something to help get her here sooner. I was tired of waiting. So the nurses prepped and got things together. The doctor came in as well, and so things began.

I started pushing at 6:00. The doctor, the nurse, and Bry all told me I was doing great. {I was told in our birth class that when you push, it's more of a two steps forward, one step backwards type of deal, so you have to keep pushing- 3 pushes for as long as you can before you actually rest}. At one point, my OB asked if I was an athlete. Bry and I looked at each other and laughed as I responded no, but she mentioned that I was really good at holding my breath. I knew that baby wasn't as close as I thought when my OB was checking her Blackberry and answering phone calls without scrubs on. However, I kept pushing and doing what I could to see my girl. I began to get excited when my doctor began putting her scrubs on and prepping the room with the nurse. I kind of hated that there was a huge clock in view of the bed, because I kept looking up to see how much time had passed. I started to feel exhausted and looked up and realized I'd been pushing for over an hour.

As the room started to get busier and I heard "Oh baby's got a head full of hair!" I immediately knew I was so close and felt a bit rejuvenated {as energized as one could feel in labor after almost two days without sleep}. Several more pushes, pressure, and pain, and all of a sudden, there was relief! And there she was! They put her on my belly and I couldn't believe Gemma was here. That little whimper {she didn't cry as much as they wanted her to} was blissful music to my ears. Did I really just bring this tiny little person into this world? I couldn't fathom it and all I wanted to do was stare at her for hours and hours.


{{However, since I had a fever, hospital protocol is to treat mother and baby with a course of antibiotics and baby goes to the Newborn ICU for at least 24 hours. After about 5 minutes together and only 2 minutes of holding her, they rolled her away the NICU floor. Holy heartache. Poor Bry didn't even hold her before they took her away. We were so sad to see her leave. In the end though, we were both treated and healthy and we made up for lost time with Gemma. }}

In the end, or should I say the beginning, Gemma's birth day was one of the best days of my life. The 14 hours of labor and over an hour of pushing was all worth the pain for my little beauty. Yes, Gem's stay in the NICU was a bit disappointing that she was so far away from us, but I'm so glad she didn't have any type of infection. She has blessed us so incredibly much and I can't remember life without her at this point. The day she was born was a day my dreams came true. And I'll never forget it.


I love you, my Gemma girl!!!

10.16.2013

because of my love for pumpkins

I am feeling the pumpkin love so much right now... so here's the photos I've taken from years past getting pumpkins each October!


2008


^this is how we celebrated our 4 year {dating} anniversary!


2010

^carving in our first apartment

^proud of my new last name {or soon-to-be}


2011
^unfortunately, this year, there weren't that many pumpkins because of hurricane irene's wrath on the state of connecticut. so we left without pumpkins.. but not without a photo :)




2012

^I gave birth to Gemma just two days later! My bump was bigger than my pumpkin!

^we picked one out for her even though she wasn't here yet :)

Until next year, pumpkins!

10.15.2013

the perfect fall evening walk

After pumpkin picking last weekend, we went for a quick walk before it was time to put Gemma to bed... We were in the 6:00 hour where she was a bit fussy, but we couldn't put her to sleep that early for fear she'd wake up the next morning at 5am... So a walk it was... I can't even describe how in love I was with this night... The trees, the sky, the leaves on the ground, the bonfire-y smell in the air.. And there was something going on out at sea, because the waves were huuuge! It was almost magical! I walked around in awe. Can every night be this lovely?

^the choppy Sound

^beautiful backdrop

^these two.. happy as can be

^I couldn't take enough pictures...

^this area is typically sand.. extremely high tide?

^the creek.. I didn't want to go home!!

The photos do not do this night any justice! I just love fall and evening walks with my family. Perfect ending to pumpkin picking! :)

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