loss & life

I come to the blog today to sort out some thoughts and emotions tonight. Maybe this post will make perfect sense, or maybe it will only make sense in my mind, but I will do my best to explain.

Last night, at 11:05pm, my grandmother, my Naunney, passed away. She had been fighting to survive for quite some time now. Naunney, wacky as she may have been, was truly one of a kind. She always took the time to invest in me and asked me how I was. She was very special to me and I can not believe I won't ever hear her say, "Hello, Beautiful!" as I walk up to her front door, or hear her reminisce about how she used to tell me "Naunney made filet" {as in, filet mignon... every dinner was "filet" so that I would eat it}... I can't wrap my mind around the fact that she is no longer with us.

I went to the hospital last night to be with my dad and family after I received the phone call. And as hard as it was to be there, she just looked like she was sleeping. It was so painful to see my dad and his siblings all broken apart, and to see Bob, Naunney's husband, just beside himself. I hate grief, because there is NOTHING you can do to help anyone... it just has to pass. All I can do is pray. So that is what I've been trying to do.

I didn't sleep too well last night and then had a low-key morning with Gemma, just relishing in her and who she is becoming everyday. We spent the morning in bed just playing and hanging out. I also received word that our good friends, Sean & Brittney, were having their baby today. Sean cleverly made a Twitter account and kept friends and family updated throughout the day {seriously, so smart!} and I kept checking in, getting more and more excited to hear when Owen was finally here.

As the day went on, I just started thinking about the circle of life. In less than 24 hours, I lost someone in my life but gained someone new {Welcome to the world Owen!!}.

Life is funny in that it's so precious. It's fleeting. In a moment, everything can change and your world can shift. And while life is so precious, we are meant for something bigger. Something bigger than this Earth and this world. I take comfort in the fact that Naunney isn't suffering anymore. Her heart can now rest and she can rest in paradise with her parents. As I stood there taking everything in last night, while her children stood by her saying their goodbyes, I couldn't help but look at Naunney's impact on this world. She left behind a husband, 5 children, 11 grandchildren {I believe, that number seems small to me}, many great-grandchildren, a massive group of friends from the VFW, and her group of friends from her work... it makes me contemplate what I will leave behind when I go. What do I want to leave behind? None of the possessions matter, but the legacy that will be left lasts much longer than we do.

That said, hug your loved ones. Kiss those that mean the world to you. You never know when will be the last time you have that final conversation with them. That is all I can think to write tonight. Before I go though...

Naunney, you were the sweetest of ladies. Everyone who knew you loved you for who you are. I will forever miss you and I know many others are saddened by you leaving this life. But I rest in the fact that you are no longer in pain. You were {and still are and will be} so very special to me and I will always keep you in my heart. I love you and will see you again someday soon!