I had quite a different post I thought I was going to write tonight. Actually, I had 6 lengthy paragraphs written about how frustrating life has been recently. I decided to turn this post into something different though, to shorten and shift the focus onto something else of the sort...
Basically in short, I was going to ramble about my darling daughter and how rough things have been lately. I was going to share about how since we've moved, Gemma has regressed on her sleep training and will no longer go down for naps or bedtime on her own, but now requires rocking to sleep with a bottle. I was going to also vent about how we are having to wean her off of her bottles, even though until last month, her pediatricians recommended staying on the bottles because of her weight gain and the fact that she's still on high calorie formula. I was also going to share that teething has been a nightmare for this child, turning my typically sweet girl into a very unhappy, easily irritated child who hates me most of the day, until Daddy comes home, whom she then hates and only wants Mama. {In all seriousness, Bryan's gotten quite a few "She absolutely hates me. Nothing I do is making her happy today!!" texts from me during the week.. and then thinks I've been lying when he gets home.} And lastly, in the last few days of trying to get Gemma back down to sleep on her own, we've realized she is now voluntarily gagging herself as soon as she is placed in her crib awake because she knows if she does that she gets attention and will be taken out of her crib for the sake of her not throwing up everywhere. And trust me, we've tried letting her cry it out. It results in vomit. Every time. Within about 60 seconds of us putting her in there.
Here's the thing though. This tired mama is 10 weeks from her due date. Meaning she is tired {wait, did I already say that?}, uncomfortable, and cranky {hey, thanks hormones}. I also found out I am slightly anemic this time around which would explain why I've felt like I've had Mono for months now. But regardless, I am choosing to turn my attitude around. I could totally just dwell on the crazy frustration I've been experiencing, or I can choose to recognize the good in our lives right now and know that this is only a phase. I've realized that baby boy's arrival in a short couple of months is making the clock tick and seem like impending doom if we don't get all of this straightened out right now. While it would be ideal to have Gemma sleep trained and off her bottles by the time he is born, we will see what we can accomplish.
At the end of the day, I am so glad and grateful for the fact that I have a personable, thriving toddler, who makes us laugh round the clock {even when it's doing things she probably shouldn't do}. This little girl's body is doing what it's supposed to {cutting teeth}, and though it's so hard right now, I know this is only a blip on the map. She is walking, practically running, and I am glad she is loving on me and cuddling me more now than she ever has since being a newborn. We have moved into a different apartment that we love and feel much more settled in. And we also have another little bundle of joy, Finn, who will be joining our family in less than 3 months! Like I said, 10 weeks from my due date, and I am getting to that point, but I am choosing to remember that this is temporary and I will have my body back at some point in the near future :) And lastly, I am so grateful that Bryan has a job where he can support our family, and I have the absolute privilege of staying home with my girl (and, soon, boy!), even though some days, I feel like crawling in a hole and staying there. God is good. He knows what we can handle. And I know in a month, 6 months, or even a year, I will look back at this little phase and chuckle to myself. Today I'm choosing to thank God for all that He's blessed us with and asking for the strength I need to get through this time.
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