2.19.12

It was a Sunday, just over a year ago. I was driving myself to the pharmacy around the block, telling myself, Ali, you are nuts! You're not pregnant! What are you doing?! But with the encouragement {pestering} of my dear hubby, I was off to get a pregnancy test. It had only been 6 weeks since I had gotten off of the pill. We weren't exactly trying to get pregnant, just taking steps to get to the point where we one day might be able to pregnant. Despite my certainty that things couldn't have happened that fast, I know my body well and had a strong feeling something was different. I hadn't even had a missed period yet, hence the silly talking to myself in the car.

I got home to Bryan cooking dinner and head into the bathroom, again thinking There's no way! Three minutes later, I was double-triple-quadruple checking the test to make sure my eyes were reading it correctly. And wouldn't you know it, it said positive. I walked {more like floated} to Bryan in the kitchen and just held out the stick. Are you serious? I just stared at him. Are you joking? Is this real? I nodded. Smiles turned to happy tears turned to hugs and immense excitement. Forget about thinking about anything else that evening. All we knew was that we had a baby on the way and we couldn't have been happier!

And now she's here and more perfect than I ever could have dreamed.

growing and outgrowing

There's so much in this post that I'm about to write that scares me. It makes me vulnerable and opens many opportunities for comments and criticism. But I've been thinking much about this topic lately and I need to get my thoughts out. 

There's a lot of growing around here... namely, our Gemma girl growing up literally before our eyes. I look at my little girl and realize she's already 12 weeks old... Wasn't my baby girl just born? It almost feels like she was just inside me, growing and developing. There are things she's already outgrown. Things she doesn't do much of anymore. Things like grabbing onto our shirts when we'd hold her. Things like when she'd look longingly at us and just stare for lengthy periods of time. Things like sneezing several times and on the last one, she'd let out a big sigh, thinking it was another sneeze. And these little things, things that may seem insignificant to others, are slowly going away. I notice these things as they become fewer and fewer.

Most people don't know this, but Gemma is a little underweight. Gemma was 7 pounds 0 ounces when she was born. I made the decision quite a while back that I wanted to breastfeed. And I am committed to breastfeeding. However, it has not been the easiest road. I won't get into the details, but I found out around Gemma's 6 week appointment that she was not gaining as well as she should have been. I didn't hear this from our pediatrician {who was my pediatrician and I just love her}. I heard this from a lactation consultant in another practice.

Now, I am a new mother. I do not think I am out of my mind, but with hormones still regulating themselves and worrying about every little thing, I am more sensitive than usual. This lactation consultant, who will remain nameless, told me that Gemma and I {a breastfeeding team} were not normal, that Gemma had a problem, that pediatricians don't know what they are talking about, and that this was an emergency. I cannot begin to describe the immense guilt I felt after I left this appointment. I cried for two days, thinking that I was starving my child and that I was causing her permanent damage for not feeding her enough. Being the sole provider of food and nutrition for my girl, it was all my responsibility and, in my mind, all my fault.

Gemma's always been a big sleeper. And she always seemed fairly content after nursing. I had gotten mixed advice from many people about how to nurse, when to nurse, how frequently to nurse, etc. So I went with my instincts and just fed her when she was hungry. And then I find out there's this huge problem? I was so confused and didn't know what to do. Everyone who knew what was going on asked me, "How else could you have known?"

Gemma's pediatrician wanted to keep an eye on it but didn't have many concerns. Gemma was hitting all of her milestones and wasn't showing any signs of malnutrition or delayed development. But I became all consumed with feeding Gemma and sticking on the lactation consultant's plan of getting Gemma to catch up. It was really rough for a couple of weeks, constantly monitoring how much she'd eat and how often she'd eat and how much she was pooping. With this preoccupation, I was completely wrapped up in how much Gem was growing. Every ounce at weight checks at the doctors was a victory point for us. Every time she'd stay the same, I'd become stricken with worry again over Gemma's little body and why she wasn't gaining weight. It's been quite the emotional month or two.

However, during this time, because I was so worried about her growth and wanted her to gain weight and grow bigger, I feel like I didn't take in enough of those "little things". I didn't realize they were slipping away. I was so wrapped up in her "growing" that I feel like I almost wished her littleness away. I didn't realize it, but now that I reflect back, I wish I would have taken in more of it. While growth is good and it's what she's supposed to be doing, it makes me somewhat sad.

I can now say that Gemma is a slow gainer, but that this is more common than that first lactation consultant let on. After another harsh follow up appointment with this certain woman, who was unsupportive when Gemma had only gained 1 ounce in 4 days, I talked with Gem's pediatrician who suggested we see the LC in her practice. This new woman was more kind and understanding and more than I could have asked for. We have been working hard feeding Gemma all day and night, and she's on the up and up now. Today, I just found out that she gained 13 ounces in one week. Typically, babies gain an ounce a day, and Gemma has doubled that in the last week. 13 ounces!!! I can't even tell you how proud I am of my girl! Her pediatrician was thrilled too. We are beginning to see results. She's still a peanut, and she'll probably always be, but she's growing and we're glad for that.

And while this post probably comes off as a bunch of rambling, I guess I will sum it up this way... While Gemma's growing and getting older and bigger makes me sad, in a way that I know I'll never see some of those little things again, I know that her growing is a part of life. Sometimes I have to tell myself, Ali, she's supposed to be getting older and bigger! I will miss this stage of her curling up and sleeping all of the time, but there's so much more I am excited for. While I am sad that time's flying, I am glad that her little body is doing exactly what it's supposed to {just a little slower than others}. And what thrills me the most is that her little personality is starting to come out. It's kind of the best thing ever, getting to know her more and seeing more of who she is. I just love her to pieces!

gemma gemma gemma

It's been quite some time since I've blogged... but let me share what's been going on since my last post...

The biggest thing to happen...

Gemma Rose arrived on October 22nd, 2012 at 7:32pm. She was a healthy 7lbs even and 20 inches long. Our world has forever changed for the better and I just can't stop staring at my gorgeous girl!

We came home from the hospital with our baby girl just as Hurricane Sandy was threatening to hit the East Coast. As we all know the damage she made, we were fortunate to just lose power for several days. Gem slept through all the hype.

Because of Hurricane Sandy and then a freak snowstorm a week later, Halloween was postponed 'til November 10. Gemma the Giraffe handed out candy to all 5 Trick-or-treaters that rang our doorbell.

As Gemma became older, she started to become more and more alert. I love the pictures we have of her with her eyes open... They are my favorites.

Although, this girl could have cared less about the election.

I had a minor freak out when Gemma rolled over on November 20. Yes, I said rolled over. She ROLLED OVER at just 29 days old. Not just once, but three times that evening. And has since kept rolling over from belly to back when we put her down in her crib and she doesn't want to be there. Gemma gets really frustrated, cries angrily, and pushes herself onto her back. I think we've got Super Baby over here!

Another exciting update, Brad and Jacki's baby, Luella, was born on November 21. Lula and Gemma are just one day short of being a month apart! I can't wait to see them grow up and be friends!

We spent Thanksgiving at my parent's house as Bry's parents were in NYC visiting Lula at the hospital.  Both Bryan and I are thankful for what we have, but this Thanksgiving felt a little more special with our little family of 3.

Then we celebrated Bry's birthday at the end of November by going into NYC. We brought Gemma in to his work to meet everyone. Gemma ended up having two blow outs while we were there... Good thing I had brought enough spare clothing for her!! Later, we went to the NBA store for Bry to get a hat and to see the Christmas tree in Rockafellar Center!

Gem's first tub bath wasn't for a little while.. It took her umbilical stump a LONG time to fall off. She seems to not mind the tub too much in this picture, but we've recently learned that the shower is the way to Gemma's heart. She's the calmest when it's hair washing time.

And lastly {as if this post isn't long enough}, Gemma's first Christmas!

{Christmas Eve}

{and Christmas morning}

And here we are in 2013... Can't believe Gemma was technically born last year. Apologies for the lack of posting, but I will try to be better about posting more frequently from now on! I'm sure I've missed a few things to write about, but I was trying to take in all of my baby's newborn-ness while it was still here. Now, she's smiling and almost laughing and rolling over and sleeping through the night {mostly}.  Gemma's growing up too fast already. But we're loving every minute of it. And it's only the beginning! :)

october is one big question mark

*24 week bump (can't believe this was 3 months ago!)

Well here we are, in the 9th month of my pregnancy. Things are getting a bit uncomfortable now... with moving like a turtle, heartburn that makes me feel like a fire-breathing dragon, serious back aches, all the peeing, a lack of sleep, and the waddling. Oh and getting myself dressed is usually accompanied by a tune of grunts and groans. But we're happy and loving that Baby Girl is coming soon! There's only about 5 more weeks that she can possibly stay in there, so I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

My due date is October 29. My mom had me 3 weeks early and my brother 4 weeks early. And my doctor did say that may lead to me going into labor early. So I kinda feel like October is one big question mark. We don't have many set in stone plans, except working and little outings. We're just waiting now. Waiting for Baby Girl to make her debut. Everyday, Bryan asks me if "today's the day". And everyday, I have to tell him I'm not really sure. But feel free to come whenever you are ready, Baby! We're so excited to meet you! :)

happy birthday, momma!

Today is my mom's birthday. And while I won't say how old young she's turning, I will tell you that with each year, she gets a little more special to me. I'm not sure if it's her age that's making her special to me. I'm pretty sure it's my age that's making me appreciate her for all that she is to me. I'm certain there is no one like her. I love her for all that she is and all that she does. My mom has constantly been there for me, always. And I'm so blessed to have her as my mother.

Happy birthday, Momma!

the corn maze

This past Sunday, Bry and I drove up to Lyman Orchards to go see what this Yankees/Red Sox corn maze was all about. Bry and I are super excited for fall {as we always are} and are trying to do anything and everything fall this season, at least, things that I can do these days. I didn't think a corn maze would be that strenuous so we checked it out. The maze had Yankees and Red Sox logos carved into them, and there were trivia questions to "help" us navigate through. Well, we got lost a few times and I had some Braxton Hicks contractions, but we made it out alive. We even were given some stickers that said, "I Survived the Maze". Afterwards, we got ourselves some apple cider and people watched. I love Sunday afternoons with my hubby.

thanks, bonnie!

Hey, it's been quite a while since I've blogged. And it might be a little bit on and off these next few months while we're gearing up and adjusting to baby. But I'm here now to say thank you to Bonnie. Bonnie and I went to college together and she blogs over at feeling bloggy. She nominated my blog for the Versatile Blogger Award- and I need to say thank you! I'm honored!

All I have to do to accept this award is share 7 things about myself {most of which you'll probably already know}. So here goes nothing...

1. I love my hubby. Like alot. He's probably my favorite person ever!

2. Most of my closest friends live far away from me, which makes me sad from time to time.

3. I'm not sure I could live anywhere except New England. The four seasons are way too much apart of what I love about life. 

4. I hate bare toe nails on my own feet- my toenails are always painted. 

5. I'm trying to be a good housewife, but on many occasions, I fail. The dirty dishes and I don't get along too well and just avoid one another...

6. The beach is one of my happy places. So peaceful and pretty!

7. Our baby girl is coming in October! Yaaay!!

If I were going to nominate anyone for this award, it'd have to be my friend Brit's blog, A Journey Down Twenty-Something. Brit stopped blogging for a while, but maybe this will get her to start up again :) Also, if I could, I would nominate my sister-in-law's blog, which should be getting created asap. Kels, get on it- hint, hint! You've got too many great ideas and projects not to share!

Thanks again, Bonnie!